I awoke at 4:00 AM again for the second day in a row. On my drive to work I began to think about complexity of emotions I am experiencing: anticipation, anxiety, excitement, fear, doubt, trust, burden, freedom, unsatisfied yet satisfied. Sunday is going to be just another day for the majority of the people in the world, but not for me.
Launch Day is a lot like a wedding day, only it’s not. At 20, when I married Kristi, I was foolish enough to think I knew what I was getting myself into. I REALLY believed my expectations were realistic, and that all my fantasies would come true.
Actually, laugh all you want. I don’t remember a whole lot about my wedding day, or the days leading up to my wedding day, but I do remember one thing. I remember being fully confident that I had it all under control. Two days into the honeymoon cracks emerged, but I kept pretending and four years in I almost lost it.
I’m more than twice 20, and the years have taught me one thing well. I have very little idea of what I’m getting into. I have very little control of what the results will be. I am not very confident in my skills or expertise in navigating these waters. No matter how hard I work it ultimately isn’t really even up to me. I’m a failure more than I am a success. I am more weak than I am strong. I seem to want to flip a coin to make most decisions. Cracks have already emerged and the “wedding day” hasn’t even arrived. This is nothing like my wedding day, but I wish it would have been.
Because just like my marriage, just like my wedding day, Launch Day isn’t about me. So, it is with fear and trembling that I step into this weekend hopeful that my expectations are aligned with God’s and that regardless of how incompetent I feel I know He is more than able to receive the glory He is due because of and in spite of me.
Regeneration Church Launch Day
Sunday, November 24, 2013
10:10AM and 5:20PM
Couldn’t help but hear a wonderfully artistic representation of what we’ve been talking about lately. All of you priests listen up.