Yesterday I was caught off guard by how a co-workers grabbing my hand and holding tightly, getting in my face to make his point and not releasing my hand until he was finished saying what he had to say. He didn’t say anything offensive or even get to close to me as he spoke, but when he grabbed my hand I felt frightened. I left the situation calm, but then couldn’t keep my composure without incredible effort for the remaining time I was at work. Once I left I broke down in tears and basically cried the rest of the afternoon and still find I am somewhat sad today because of it all. What is it that set me off I wondered…well, I think I figured it out before I left work that day and that is what has kept me sad till this very moment. As a child I had an physically and emotionally abusive step-father. Long story short, grabbing, pushing, squeezing, “bullying”, etc. was his normal way of dealing with me. When my co-worker grabbed me, my first reaction was to jerk away, but I didn’t. I remained calm on the outside, but was shocked, frighted and hurt on the inside. Before the day ended, I let him know he couldn’t grab me like that ever again, in a polite way of course. He could see I was upset and apologized. Once I had regained most of my composure, as I walked out the door I reassured him I was okay and knew he didn’t understand. I told him I was just a big girl, with little girl problems. I realized at my age of 35 I will be forever morning the lack of my birth fathers presence in my life due to his death at 19 months of age and the love he could have lavished on me, and forever have the scars left by the man I called father for more than fifteen years of my life, whom I don’t even speak to anymore. Forgiveness sometimes seems like a daily choice when I think of him, but others he never even crosses my mind. Yesterday, the pain he has left me with invaded every part of my life. Oh to be free of it forever….I wish for that today.

siegal2112
Thank you so much for the open and honest comment! Serious stuff going on in your life. Life sucks! But Eternal Life Doesn’t! and we have an opportunity to try to live in that Eternal Life as much as possible now.
Hopefully this is an encouragement…Forgiveness is always a daily choice. The more you practice it with your stepfather the easier it becomes. I’d encourage you to pick up the phone…